Our clients make it easy for us by allowing us to do marketing for some great products and services. But some of the best products don’t even exist yet — so I’ve decided to invent them and then market them.
Here are my top three:
#1 George’s Motorized Wall-Mounted Back ScratcherTM. Do you like to get your back scratched? Who doesn’t? But your only choices are those cheap plastic or wood fork-like tools that don’t scratch much area. Plus you can pull a muscle using them. Not very relaxing. And if you’ve been married longer than a decade, you can forget asking your spouse to do it. When you ask, they lower the newspaper, look at you like “Are you serious?” and then lift the newspaper back up.
Hence my invention. Imagine a 24″-wide roller — with different types of interchangeable brushes from soft to scrub-brush coarse. It’s battery- or electric-operated with a WIRELESS REMOTE. You attach it to the wall and just stand next to it. Rev that baby up to 100 mph if you want while you revel in back-scratching bliss. It can move up and down your back on a wall track, and you can even get a version that works in the shower. I’m taking pre-orders on this now.
#2 George’s Self-Cleaning LawnmowerTM. When I was in my 20s, I always paid a lawn service or a neighborhood kid to cut my lawn. Now that I have less to do, and lead an incredibly boring life, I realized I actually enjoy cutting the lawn. I make an event out of it. I wear headphones and listen to my favorite tunes and just kind of Zen-out while watching those rows of green stalks get neatly trimmed. Fresh air, exercise and accomplishment…all the makings of a successful morning or afternoon — EXCEPT when it comes to cleaning that lawnmower. There’s just no easy way to do it. You squat over the thing for a half hour and scrape, scrape, scrape your way through the crust of baked-on grass under the mower. I hate it — much like the mom on Leave It to Beaver probably hated cleaning her oven in the days before self-cleaning models. So, if it can be done for ovens, why not lawnmowers? I’ll leave the technology to others, but when you’re ready to market it, let me know. I guarantee it’ll be a hit.
#3 George’s “People-TrackingTM” Keys and Cell Phones. OK, I admit it. I lose my keys and even my iPhone constantly. Sure, I’ve seen and tried all sorts of devices that let me track and find my keys and cell phone. But what a pain. Even when they work, they still involve a lot of time and hassle. In this day and age, why can’t someone invent a key fob and cell phone that tracks YOU? Maybe you lock it to your scent or DNA or something like that the first time you get it. Then when you leave your phone or keys on a restaurant table or in a restroom or meeting and you start to walk away, it notices that you’ve left. When you get three or four feet away it starts beeping. You don’t get all the way to your car and discover you don’t have your keys or phone then have to run back and pray no one has accidentally tossed them in the trash. Cool, huh? If you’re an electronic genius, give me a call. Together we’ll rule the world!
When will you see these products? That is really the only question. You WILL see them, and hopefully I’ll be marketing them. If not, I’ll still be BUYING them!
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