Someone asked what I wanted for my birthday. “One perfect day,” I replied.
5:00 a.m. Alarm radio comes on playing my favorite jingle. I smile, then I smash the alarm and go back to sleep softly singing, “If I were an Oscar Mayer wiener, everyone would be in love with me.”
9:15 I wake up on my own and reintroduce myself to Angelina Jolie — who, after bringing me my coffee and iPad, resumes her yoga routine on my bedroom floor.
9:30 I join Angie, who teaches me a few moves and I get a great workout in.
10:00 I turn on TV and don’t see a single Elk & Elk commercial.
10:05 I read emails through the hole in my massage table as two of Tiger Woods’ ex-girlfriends work on my shoulders and hammies. I use voice recognition software
to reply to the emails.
10:35 I turn on TV again and a window breaks loudly when the Window World guy stands on it.
10:36 Danica Patrick delivers my complimentary Porsche so I can test drive it while I work on a new ad campaign for them. I drive to Cleveland in a record 17 minutes as Dani tells me what a great driver I am.
10:53 My Social Media Assistant calls me, and I dictate my blog, my Tweet, and my Facebook update. The Porsche in-car web cam shoots my YouTube update.
11:00 In Cleveland I meet Brett Favre, the new QB of the Browns, to discuss his upcoming endorsement deals.
11:30 I call the office and our CFO tells me that no client invoices are past due. In fact several came in early this month.
11:35 I jump on a private jet from my client ExecuJet and head to Las Vegas, where the city has hired me to work on a follow-up to my successful “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” campaign. For inspiration, I visit a few of my favorite places, and hit the Million Dollar payout on the $100 slots.
1:30 p.m. I have the Jet stop in Belize, visit my off-shore banking client, discuss their direct mail campaign and drop off my Vegas winnings. While there, I direct a commercial for the Belize Beachwear clothing line. We do 24 takes, but the scene of the girl getting out of the pool needed to be perfect.
3:30 Flying back to the Valley, I get a call from Steve Jobs. He’s thinking of switching his brand name from Apple to Lime because of the whole “green thing.” I talk him out of it, he thanks me and tells me to charge my $50,000 fee to his credit card.
4:30 I host a delegation of global business leaders and give them a tour of Mill Creek Park and the Public Libraries. Several decide to relocate their global headquarters here.
5:00 Look at that — the day is done already. Even on a perfect day I work hard, don’t I? Now where is Danica with my Porsche? While waiting, I start humming…“I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener….”
Stay tuned and stay smart.