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Famous Ribs — and Other Marketing Lies

“Your menu says your ribs are famous,” I remark to my waitress. “Do you think I can get their autographs?” She sighs at the lame joke and looks at my wife as if to say “Can’t you control this idiot?” My wife looks back as if she’s saying, “See what I …

The $9 Billion President

The President of the United States of America (acronym: POTUS) makes an annual salary of $400,000 along with a $50,000 annual expense account. So I find it interesting that about $9 billion* will be spent on campaigns this year to get the job. That’s $9 BILLION with a “B” and a …

Seven Marketing Mistakes That Can Kill Your Business

Over the years, I have noticed seven mistakes that come up again and again in marketing messages used by a wide spectrum of businesses and non-profits. Any one of these mistakes can harm or even kill your organization, but a lot of people make more than one of these mistakes. …

Should Marketing Be Illegal?

I can make you do what I want. Buy things. Vote a certain way. Feel better about my client. You won’t even think about it. You’ll just do it. How will I do it? First, I’ll study you — learn your habits and interests, then I’ll put words and pictures …

The Best Products That Don’t Exist (Yet)

Our clients make it easy for us by allowing us to do marketing for some great products and services. But some of the best products don’t even exist yet — so I’ve decided to invent them and then market them. Here are my top three: #1 George’s Motorized Wall-Mounted Back …

The Yoga Marketing Plan

My palms are together as if I’m praying. But I’m bent at the waist and twisted to my right side. My right elbow is pointing to the sky (the ceiling) and my left points down to the floor or — as our instructor Kathy calls it — the earth. Yes, …

Marketing in the Year 2525

Imagine the year 2525. You won’t be reading my column. Instead, your iPhone 22 will read my column to you. Of course, I won’t be writing my column either — my avatar will be writing it for me. And since he/she/it is just about perfect, the grammar will be a …

Quit working for peanuts…START WORKING FOR SMILES

I was talking to 5-month-old Nico Farris. Well, not actual words…just “Whoop, Whoop, Whoop! Wheeeeeee! Whoop, Whoop, Whoop! Wheeeeeee! Whoop, Whoop, Whoop! Wheeeeeee!” I say this as I bounce him up and down in my lap and then thrust him up in the air and hold him above me. I …